The Pressure to Be “Someone“
This article How I Let Go of Who I Was Supposed to Be — And Finally Started Living Again talks about the real person inside you.
We don’t even notice it at first. It starts young.
You’re told what a “successful” person looks like. Maybe it’s the corporate job, the perfect partner, the house, the respect of society. So you chase that image like your life depends on it.
For me, it looked like trying to be perfect in school, saying yes to everything my family wanted, pushing down my real thoughts, and smiling when I wanted to scream.
But here’s the truth:
You’re Not Weak for Wanting Something Else
We think letting go means giving up. But sometimes, letting go is the bravest thing you can do. I wasn’t happy. I was surviving, not living. And pretending to be someone I wasn’t? It was exhausting.
I had to admit it: this version of life wasn’t mine. It was a borrowed identity.
The Moment Everything Cracked
There wasn’t a single big moment. It was more like slow erosion. A burnout here. A breakdown there. A constant ache inside that never left.
But there was one evening — I was sitting alone, staring at the ceiling, and I asked myself: “Is this really it?”
That question didn’t go away.
When You Start Questioning, You’re Already Waking Up
That night, I didn’t get any answers. But I got honest.
I stopped pretending I had it all figured out. I stopped lying to myself about being fine.
Sometimes, the most important moment isn’t change itself. It’s the realization that change is necessary.
Unlearning the Old Rules
Letting go of who you’re supposed to be is messy. Because it means rewriting every rule you’ve lived by.
- That success is not just a salary.
- That being alone doesn’t mean you’re failing.
- That saying no doesn’t make you selfish.
- That healing takes time, not speed.
These ideas were hard to digest. But every time I questioned an old rule, I felt lighter.
You’re Allowed to Outgrow Who You Used to Be
We think changing ourselves is betrayal. But what if it’s evolution?
You outgrow clothes. You outgrow habits. You outgrow people. And yes, you outgrow past versions of yourself.
That’s not disloyalty. That’s growth.
Reclaiming My Voice
Once I stopped living for others, I had to figure out what I wanted.
For the first time, I asked: What makes me feel alive?
Not what’s impressive. Not what’s expected. Just what feels real.
And slowly, I started noticing the little things:
- Writing in silence.
- Morning walks.
- Saying no without guilt.
- Laughing without performance.
Real Living Feels Quiet But Deep
It’s not loud. It’s not shiny. But it feels like peace.
And peace isn’t boring. It’s beautiful.
I stopped trying to “achieve” life. I started experiencing it.
What Helped Me Through the Transition
Letting go of a fake identity is not easy. Here are the 4 things that helped me:
1. Journaling
It gave me a safe space to be brutally honest. I could explore emotions I didn’t dare say out loud.
2. Reading Real Stories
I followed people online who spoke truth. People who had walked away from society’s blueprint and built lives that looked different, but felt fulfilling.
3. Therapy & Mentorship
Talking to someone who didn’t judge me was healing. Sometimes, you need help to untangle the thoughts in your head.
4. Choosing Myself Every Day
Even when it felt selfish. Even when others didn’t understand. I chose to live for me, not their expectations.
Expert Insight on Identity and Self-Acceptance
Dr. Brené Brown once said:
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
Psychologist Carl Rogers also emphasized that the curious paradox is that when we accept ourselves as we are, then we can change.
The research backs it: self-acceptance is linked with lower anxiety, stronger relationships, and better emotional regulation.
Real-Life Example: Emma’s Story
Emma was a lawyer who had a breakdown in her early 30s. On paper, she had everything. But inside, she felt like a fraud. She eventually quit, moved to a small town, and started teaching yoga.
Now?
She earns less, lives simpler, but says she finally sleeps peacefully. Her story reminded me: success isn’t what it looks like. It’s what it feels like.
The Fear of Disappointing Others
This is real.
When you change, others may resist. They might say you’ve become distant, selfish, or even ungrateful. But here’s what I learned:
Disappointing Others Is Better Than Abandoning Yourself
Let that sink in.
Your job isn’t to meet everyone’s expectations. It’s to live the life you were meant for.
And if that upsets people? So be it.
The Life I’m Living Now
It’s not perfect. It’s not Instagram-worthy.
But it’s mine.
I wake up and feel aligned with my choices. I no longer carry the pressure of living someone else’s dream.
I’m slower. I’m softer. I’m more honest.
And that… is more than enough.
Key Takeaways
- You don’t owe anyone your suffering.
- You’re allowed to change your mind, your path, your life.
- Peace comes when you stop pretending.
- Growth is not becoming someone else — it’s becoming yourself.
Why Letting Go Feels So Scary (But Matters So Much)
Letting go sounds poetic, even freeing. But when you’re actually standing at the edge, about to let go of the identity you’ve clung to for years, it feels terrifying.
Why? Because we fear becoming nothing.
Our identity — even if it’s painful — is familiar. It’s the mask we’ve worn for so long that taking it off feels like exposing our bare skin to the world.
We fear judgment.
We fear regret.
We fear being lost forever.
But here’s the truth that changed everything for me:
You don’t become nothing when you let go — you make space to become something real.
You’re not erasing yourself. You’re clearing the way for a more honest version to step forward.
And that… takes guts.
How Society Programs Us — And How to Unplug from It
We grow up in a system that rewards sameness, not individuality.
From a young age, we’re told what to wear, what success looks like, what roles we should play. Even our dreams get filtered through family, media, and tradition.
I was never told, “Follow your joy.” I was told, “Make us proud.”
And there’s a big difference.
Unplugging from this mindset wasn’t easy. It meant:
- Saying no to paths that looked good on paper but felt wrong inside.
- Limiting time on social media, where everyone pretends they’re thriving.
- Rebuilding my sense of worth without external approval.
Unplugging doesn’t mean you stop caring. It just means you stop performing.
And that shift? It was the beginning of peace.
What I Thought I’d Miss — But Didn’t
One thing that held me back was fear of missing out. I thought if I stopped chasing the “ideal life,” I’d miss the rewards:
- Status
- Validation
- Comfort
But here’s what really happened:
I didn’t miss the stress of pretending.
I didn’t miss the anxiety of being someone I wasn’t.
I didn’t miss the noise, the pressure, the endless proving.
Instead, I gained:
- More quiet mornings.
- More authentic connections.
- More moments where I felt present.
What I feared I’d miss ended up being the very things that were breaking me.
Two More Stories That Inspired Me
Mark’s Story (The 45-Year-Old Who Started Over)
Mark spent two decades in corporate sales. High income, nice apartment, always exhausted. After a health scare and divorce, he left it all. Today, he runs a small art supply shop and teaches watercolor painting.
He says he’s never felt more alive.
Priya’s Story (From Burnout to Boundaries)
Priya was a social media manager working 80-hour weeks. She got praised for being “dedicated,” but inside she was falling apart. She quit, moved to a slower-paced city, and now works freelance with flexible hours.
She says she finally has time to breathe — and dream.
These stories reminded me I’m not alone. Reinventing your life isn’t reckless. It’s real.
What Living Again Actually Looks Like
Living again isn’t always dramatic. It’s not quitting your job and flying to Bali (unless that’s your thing).
It’s usually quiet. Soft. Daily.
It’s:
- Saying no without guilt.
- Cooking for yourself like you matter.
- Turning off your phone and sitting with silence.
- Laughing at something silly without overthinking.
- Calling a friend just to talk.
Real living is when your outer world begins to match your inner world.
And that alignment? It’s everything.
One Big Regret I Carried Too Long
If I’m honest, I regret waiting so long to choose myself.
I spent years trying to be good enough, to win approval, to not rock the boat. And in doing that, I left myself behind.
The regret isn’t that I made mistakes.
It’s that I kept betraying my own voice — over and over — to keep others comfortable.
But here’s what healed me:
I forgave myself.
For not knowing better.
For needing time.
For taking the long way home.
If you’re carrying that kind of regret — let it go. You’re still here. You still have time to begin again.
And you deserve to.
Final Words
If you’re feeling lost right now, stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like yours, just know:
You’re not broken. You’re just buried.
And sometimes, letting go of who you were “supposed to be” is the first step toward uncovering who you really are.
Don’t wait for permission.
Start now.
Start small.
Start real.
And maybe, like me, you’ll finally start living again.
FAQs
1. Is it normal to feel guilty for letting go of what others wanted for me?
Yes, totally. Guilt often shows up because we were raised to believe that pleasing others equals love. But the truth is — real love doesn’t demand your silence or sacrifice. Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s survival.
2. What if I don’t even know who I really am without all these expectations?
That’s okay. Most of us don’t at first. Who you are isn’t found overnight — it unfolds slowly, in small choices. Try listening to what brings you peace, not pressure. That’s usually a clue.
3. How do I know if I’m living someone else’s version of life?
If you constantly feel drained, lost, or like you’re just checking boxes without joy — it’s a sign. When your days feel like a performance, not presence, you’re likely living someone else’s script.
4. Why does changing my life feel so terrifying?
Because change means leaving the familiar — even when that familiar hurts. Your nervous system might panic, but your soul is asking for truth. Fear doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means it matters.
5. What if people don’t understand or support my new path?
Some won’t. And it will hurt. But the people meant for your truth will stay — or show up when you make room for them. Don’t stay small to make others comfortable.
6. How do I start “living again” when I feel completely numb?
Start small. A short walk. A real conversation. A journal entry. Living again doesn’t require a big move — just a small moment where you choose honesty over autopilot.
7. Can I really change my life after years of pretending?
Yes. People have started over in their 30s, 50s, even 70s. You’re not too late — you’re just right on time for your real self to finally show up.
8. What are the first steps toward letting go of who I was “supposed to be”?
Admit that you’re tired. Be honest about what isn’t working. Then give yourself permission to stop chasing the life that was never truly yours. Start there. That’s enough.
9. What helped you the most during your transition?
Silence. Stories. Safe people. And journaling — a lot of it. But honestly? The biggest help was choosing myself again and again, even when no one clapped for it.
10. Is it selfish to choose my own happiness over my family’s expectations?
No. It’s only selfish if your happiness harms others. But choosing peace, truth, and wholeness? That’s not selfish. That’s what makes you more loving — not less.
11. What if I let go… and still feel lost?
That’s normal. Sometimes we let go and don’t feel free right away. There’s grief in growth. But stay the course — clarity follows courage. Trust the in-between.
12. How do I rebuild self-worth after years of chasing approval?
You stop tying your worth to results. You start honoring your feelings, not just your achievements. Worth isn’t earned — it’s remembered. And you’re allowed to remember yours now.
13. Can “living again” really be as simple as small moments?
Absolutely. Real living often hides in quiet choices — not big headlines. A deep breath. Saying no. Cooking for joy. Peace doesn’t scream. It whispers, and it stays.
14. Will I ever feel like I belong after walking away from who I was?
Yes — but maybe not where you were before. You’ll find new spaces. New people. And most importantly, you’ll start belonging to yourself first. That’s the anchor.
15. What if I fail again after starting over?
Then you try again — this time with more wisdom. Starting over doesn’t mean you won’t stumble. But at least now, the path is yours. And that makes all the difference.
🎥 The Moment I Stopped Doubting Myself – A TEDx Wake-Up Call
There’s a TEDx talk by Mario Lanzarotti that honestly felt like it was speaking straight to the version of me that was always stuck in self-doubt. He doesn’t just talk about motivation—he talks about permission. Permission to stop living for expectations. Permission to stop being who you were supposed to be. He shares how we get so lost in trying to prove ourselves that we forget we were never broken in the first place. And listening to him reminded me of the exact moment I stopped chasing approval and started asking, “What do I want?” Not what they want. Not what I thought would make me lovable. Just… me. His words are calm, direct, and deeply real—exactly the kind of push we need when we’ve forgotten our own voice.
