In this article How to Handle Rejections and Come Back Stronger we are going to talk about how we all face rejections in life and how deal with it.
Rejection hurts. There’s no sugarcoating it. Whether it’s a job application that gets turned down, a romantic interest who doesn’t feel the same way, a creative project that gets rejected, a college admission denial, being turned down for a loan, not making the sports team, or even having friends decline your social invitations – that sting of “no” can feel like a punch to the gut. I’ve been there, and chances are, you have too.
But here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey of countless rejections across every area of life: every “no” is actually a stepping stone to something better. It doesn’t feel that way in the moment, but rejection has this strange power to transform us if we let it.
Understanding Why Rejection Hurts So Much
Before we dive into how to bounce back, let’s talk about why rejection feels so devastating. It’s not just in your head – there’s actual science behind this pain.
When we experience rejection, our brains literally process it the same way they process physical pain. The anterior cingulate cortex and the right ventral prefrontal cortex light up just like they would if someone had physically hurt us. This is why we use phrases like “heartbreak” or “crushed” – because that’s genuinely how it feels.
From an evolutionary perspective, rejection was dangerous. Being cast out from the tribe could mean death. So our brains developed this intense fear and pain response to rejection as a survival mechanism. The problem is, our modern brains haven’t caught up to our modern world where rejection rarely means life or death.
Understanding this helps normalize what you’re feeling. You’re not being dramatic or oversensitive – you’re having a completely natural human response to a difficult situation.
The Immediate Aftermath: What to Do When Rejection Hits
Allow Yourself to Feel
The first thing people usually tell you after a rejection is to “get over it” or “move on.” But rushing past your feelings is like trying to run on a broken leg – it’s only going to make things worse.
Give yourself permission to feel disappointed, sad, or even angry. These emotions are valid and they’re trying to tell you something important. Set aside some time to really sit with these feelings. Maybe that’s crying into a pillow, going for a long walk, or calling a friend who’ll listen without trying to fix everything.
I remember when I got rejected from my dream job after three rounds of interviews. Instead of immediately jumping into applications for other positions, I took a weekend to just be bummed about it. I ate ice cream, watched terrible movies, and let myself feel sorry for myself. It was exactly what I needed.
Don’t Make Major Decisions Right Away
When we’re in the thick of rejection pain, our judgment gets cloudy. This isn’t the time to make sweeping life changes or burn bridges. The angry email you want to send? Save it as a draft and revisit it in a few days. The decision to completely change career paths? Give it some time.
Your emotions are running high right now, and that’s okay, but let them settle before making choices you might regret later.
Practice Self-Compassion
This is probably the hardest part for most of us. We’re often our own worst critics, especially after a rejection. But imagine if your best friend came to you with the same rejection story. Would you tell them they’re worthless and should give up? Of course not. You’d probably offer comfort, perspective, and encouragement.
Try to be that friend to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you care about. This isn’t about lying to yourself or pretending everything is fine – it’s about treating yourself with basic human kindness during a difficult time.
Learning from Rejection: Turning Pain into Power
Ask for Feedback (When Appropriate)
Not every rejection warrants a follow-up, but when it’s appropriate, asking for feedback can be incredibly valuable. This works particularly well in professional settings like job interviews or business pitches, academic applications, creative submissions, or even after unsuccessful social interactions.
The key is to approach it genuinely. You’re not trying to change their mind or argue their decision – you’re trying to learn. A simple message like “Thank you for considering me. I’m always looking to improve, and I’d appreciate any feedback you might have about my application/interview/submission” can sometimes yield surprising insights.
I once got rejected for a marketing position, and when I asked for feedback, they told me my portfolio was strong but I hadn’t demonstrated enough experience with data analysis. That feedback helped me focus my learning efforts and ultimately led to landing an even better position six months later.
Similarly, a friend of mine was rejected from graduate school and learned through feedback that her research proposal needed more specificity. She spent the next year refining her research focus and got accepted to an even better program.
Look for Patterns
If you’re facing multiple rejections in the same area, it might be worth stepping back and looking for patterns. Are there common themes in the feedback you’re receiving? Are there skills you need to develop or approaches you need to adjust?
This isn’t about beating yourself up – it’s about being honest about areas where you can grow. Maybe you’re applying for jobs that are a stretch for your current skill level. Maybe your dating profile isn’t representing the real you. Maybe your creative work isn’t quite hitting the mark with your intended audience. Perhaps you’re consistently underprepared for academic challenges, or maybe your business pitches aren’t addressing the right pain points for potential clients.
I know someone who kept getting rejected from freelance writing gigs. After looking at the pattern, she realized she was focusing too much on her qualifications and not enough on how she could solve the client’s specific problems. Once she shifted her approach, her acceptance rate improved dramatically.
Another example: a guy I know kept striking out in social situations and dating. When he honestly examined the pattern, he realized he was monopolizing conversations and not asking enough questions about the other person. That awareness completely changed his social interactions.
Identifying these patterns can help you make strategic improvements rather than just hoping the next attempt will be different.
Separate Your Worth from the Outcome
This is easier said than done, but it’s crucial for long-term resilience. A rejection of your work, your application, your romantic interest, your creative project, your business idea, or your social invitation is not a rejection of your worth as a person. It’s simply a mismatch between what you offered and what they were looking for at that particular moment.
Think about it this way: you’ve probably turned down perfectly good opportunities, dates, friendships, job candidates, or business proposals that just weren’t right for you. That didn’t make those people worthless – they just weren’t the right fit for your specific needs and circumstances.
When a college rejects your application, it doesn’t mean you’re not smart enough for higher education. When a publisher rejects your manuscript, it doesn’t mean you can’t write. When someone turns down your business proposal, it doesn’t mean your ideas are worthless. When friends can’t make it to your party, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.
Building Emotional Resilience
Develop a Growth Mindset
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset has shown that people who believe their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work are more resilient in the face of setbacks. Instead of seeing rejection as proof that you’re not good enough, try to see it as information about what you need to work on.
Replace thoughts like “I’m not good at this” with “I’m not good at this yet.” That small word makes a huge difference in how you approach challenges and setbacks.
Build Your Support Network
Rejection is much harder to handle when you’re going through it alone. Having people in your corner who believe in you can make all the difference. This might be family, friends, mentors, or even online communities of people facing similar challenges.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for support. Most people have experienced rejection and can relate to what you’re going through. Sometimes just having someone listen and validate your feelings can help you process the experience more effectively.
Practice Emotional Regulation
Learning to manage your emotional responses to rejection is a skill that gets better with practice. This might involve techniques like:
- Deep breathing exercises when you feel overwhelmed
- Mindfulness meditation to stay present instead of spiraling into worst-case scenarios
- Physical exercise to release tension and boost mood
- Journaling to process your thoughts and feelings
- Creative outlets that help you express and work through emotions
Find what works for you and make it a regular part of your routine, not just something you turn to in crisis moments.
Strategies for Coming Back Stronger
Reframe Your Perspective
Instead of seeing rejection as a dead end, try to view it as redirection. Maybe this “no” is protecting you from something that wouldn’t have been right for you anyway. Maybe it’s pushing you toward something better that you wouldn’t have considered otherwise.
I know this can sound like empty platitudes when you’re in pain, but I’ve seen this play out countless times in my own life and in the lives of people around me. The job that rejected me led me to a position where I met my business partner. The relationship that ended opened up space for me to meet my actual life partner. The publisher who rejected my first book proposal helped me realize I needed to completely rethink my approach.
Focus on What You Can Control
Rejection often leaves us feeling powerless, but there are always things within our control. You can’t control whether someone says yes to you, but you can control how you prepare, how you present yourself, and how you respond to their decision.
Make a list of the factors within your control and focus your energy there. This might include:
- Professional: Improving your skills, expanding your network, refining your resume or portfolio, practicing interview techniques
- Academic: Studying more effectively, seeking tutoring, improving your research methods, strengthening your application materials
- Creative: Honing your craft, studying your target market, networking with other creators, submitting to more opportunities
- Personal Relationships: Working on your communication skills, being more authentic, expanding your social circle, improving your emotional intelligence
- Business: Researching your market better, refining your pitch, improving your product, building stronger relationships with potential clients
- Health and Wellness: Taking care of your physical and mental health, building confidence, managing stress and anxiety
Set Process Goals, Not Just Outcome Goals
Instead of only setting goals like “get the job,” “find a relationship,” “get published,” or “get into graduate school,” also set process goals like “apply to five positions this week,” “go on one date this month,” “submit to three literary magazines,” or “attend two networking events.”
Process goals are entirely within your control and help you feel productive and accomplished even when the outcomes aren’t what you hoped for. They also help you see rejection as part of the process rather than a failure.
For example:
- Career: “I’ll apply to 10 jobs this month” instead of just “I need to get a job”
- Dating: “I’ll initiate three conversations this week” instead of just “I need to find someone”
- Creative: “I’ll submit my work to five places this quarter” instead of just “I need to get published”
- Academic: “I’ll study for 2 hours every day” instead of just “I need to get good grades”
- Business: “I’ll pitch to 20 potential clients this month” instead of just “I need to get customers”
If your goal is to apply to five jobs this week, getting rejected from three of them still means you’re succeeding at your goal.
Celebrate Small Wins
Don’t wait for the big yes to celebrate. Acknowledge the smaller victories along the way – getting an interview, having a good conversation, receiving positive feedback, making it to the second round of applications, getting a callback, having your work shortlisted, or simply putting yourself out there despite fear.
These might include:
- Professional: Getting called for an interview, receiving positive feedback, making a new professional connection
- Academic: Improving your grades, getting positive feedback from professors, completing a challenging assignment
- Creative: Getting a personal rejection letter instead of a form letter, receiving constructive criticism, finishing a project
- Personal: Having a genuine conversation with someone new, being invited to social events, successfully expressing your feelings
- Business: Getting a meeting with a potential client, receiving interest in your product, making a valuable connection
These small wins help build momentum and confidence, making you more resilient when the bigger rejections come.
Real-Life Examples of Rejection Leading to Success
Sometimes it helps to remember that rejection is part of virtually every success story across all areas of life. Here are examples from different fields:
Literature and Publishing: J.K. Rowling was rejected by twelve publishers before someone finally said yes to Harry Potter. Stephen King’s first novel “Carrie” was rejected 30 times. Today, they’re among the world’s most successful authors.
Film and Entertainment: Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school twice. Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for “lacking imagination and having no good ideas.” Oprah Winfrey was told she was “unfit for television news” early in her career.
Business and Entrepreneurship: Colonel Sanders was rejected over 1,000 times before someone agreed to use his chicken recipe. The founders of Pandora were turned down by VCs 300 times before getting funding. WhatsApp co-founder Brian Acton was rejected by both Facebook and Twitter before creating the app that Facebook eventually bought for $19 billion.
Sports: Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Tom Brady was pick #199 in the NFL draft, with 198 players chosen before him. Serena Williams lost her first professional tennis match 6-1, 6-1.
Academic and Research: Albert Einstein was rejected from the Swiss Federal Polytechnic. Charles Darwin’s theories were initially dismissed by the scientific community. Numerous Nobel Prize winners had their groundbreaking research initially rejected by academic journals.
Technology: The founders of Google were initially told their search engine idea wasn’t viable. Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company he co-founded. Jack Ma was rejected from numerous jobs, including KFC, before starting Alibaba.
These aren’t just feel-good stories – they’re reminders that rejection often has very little to do with your actual potential and everything to do with timing, fit, and circumstances beyond your control.
Moving Forward: Your Action Plan
Create a Rejection Recovery Routine
Having a plan for dealing with rejection before it happens can help you bounce back more quickly. Your routine might include:
- Taking 24-48 hours to process the initial emotions
- Reaching out to your support network
- Asking for feedback when appropriate
- Identifying one thing you learned from the experience
- Setting a date to try again or pursue the next opportunity
Having this routine in place means you won’t have to figure out what to do when you’re in the thick of disappointment.
Keep a Rejection Collection
This might sound masochistic, but keeping track of your rejections can actually be empowering. When you see them all laid out, you start to realize that rejection is just part of the process of pursuing what you want, regardless of the field.
Some people keep a physical file, others use a digital document. Include the date, what you were rejected for, and any feedback you received. You might have separate sections for:
- Professional rejections: Jobs, promotions, business opportunities
- Academic rejections: Schools, scholarships, research grants, publication submissions
- Creative rejections: Publishers, galleries, competitions, performance opportunities
- Personal rejections: Social invitations, romantic interests, friendship attempts
- Financial rejections: Loans, credit applications, investment opportunities
Over time, you’ll start to see patterns and progress that can inform your future efforts. You’ll also realize how many “no’s” successful people accumulate before their breakthrough.
Remember Your Why
When rejection hits, it’s easy to lose sight of why you wanted that opportunity in the first place. Reconnect with your deeper motivations. What are you ultimately trying to achieve? What values are you trying to live by? What kind of life are you trying to build?
This applies across all areas:
- Career: Are you seeking fulfillment, financial security, creative expression, or the chance to make a difference?
- Education: Are you pursuing knowledge, credentials, personal growth, or career advancement?
- Relationships: Are you looking for companionship, love, support, or personal growth?
- Creative pursuits: Are you driven by self-expression, the desire to entertain others, or the need to share important messages?
- Business: Are you trying to solve a problem, create financial independence, or build something meaningful?
Sometimes rejection helps clarify these answers. Maybe you realize you were pursuing something because you thought you should, not because you actually wanted it. Or maybe it reinforces how important your goals are to you and motivates you to keep going.
The Long Game: Building a Life That Can Handle Rejection
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to avoid rejection – it’s to build a life that’s resilient enough to handle it. This means:
- Diversifying your sources of self-worth beyond any single outcome
- Maintaining relationships and interests that fulfill you regardless of your professional or romantic success
- Developing skills and confidence that aren’t dependent on external validation
- Creating meaning and purpose that can withstand temporary setbacks
When you have a strong foundation in these areas, individual rejections become less devastating because they’re not carrying the weight of your entire sense of self.
Conclusion
Rejection will always hurt – that’s just part of being human. But it doesn’t have to derail you. With the right mindset, tools, and support, you can learn to see rejection not as a verdict on your worth, but as valuable information that helps you grow and eventually find the right opportunities.
Remember, every successful person has a story full of rejections. The difference between those who eventually succeed and those who give up isn’t the absence of rejection – it’s the ability to keep going despite it.
Your rejection story isn’t the end of your story. It’s just a chapter that’s preparing you for the better chapters ahead. The question isn’t whether you’ll face rejection – it’s whether you’ll let it make you stronger or let it stop you from pursuing what matters to you.
The choice is yours, and I believe in your ability to choose strength.
10 Essential FAQs: Handling Rejection and Coming Back Stronger
1. Why does rejection hurt so much, even when I know it’s not personal?
You’re not being overly sensitive – rejection literally activates the same pain centers in your brain as physical injury. When someone says “no” to us, our brains interpret it as a threat to our survival because, thousands of years ago, being rejected from your tribe could mean death.
Think about it: when you stub your toe, you don’t think “I’m being dramatic about this pain.” You just accept that it hurts. Rejection works the same way. Your brain is doing exactly what it’s designed to do – protect you from potential danger.
The key is understanding that while the pain is real and valid, the actual threat usually isn’t. You’re not going to die from not getting that job or being turned down for a date. But your brain doesn’t know that, so it sounds all the alarms anyway.
Give yourself permission to feel that pain without judgment. It’s not weakness – it’s being human.
2. How long should I wait before trying again after a rejection?
There’s no magic number, but I’ve learned that timing depends more on your emotional state than the calendar. If you’re still feeling raw and bitter, you’re probably not ready. If you can think about the rejection without your stomach dropping, you might be getting close.
For most situations, I’d say:
- Job applications: 1-2 weeks to process, then get back out there
- Dating: A few days to a week, depending on how invested you were
- Creative submissions: Almost immediately – the more you have out there, the better your odds
- Academic applications: Usually you have to wait for the next cycle anyway, so use that time to improve your application
- Business pitches: As soon as you’ve incorporated any feedback you received
The real question isn’t “when” but “am I approaching this from a place of desperation or confidence?” If it’s desperation, wait a bit longer. If it’s confidence, go for it.
3. Should I ask for feedback after every rejection? How do I do it without seeming desperate?
Not every rejection needs a follow-up, but when it’s appropriate, feedback can be gold. The trick is asking in a way that shows you’re genuinely interested in growing, not trying to change their mind.
When to ask:
- Professional situations (job interviews, business pitches)
- Academic applications where you plan to reapply
- Creative submissions to places you want to work with again
- When you’ve built some rapport with the person
When not to ask:
- Dating situations (this almost always comes across as pushy)
- After multiple rejections from the same place
- When the rejection was clearly a form letter with no personal touch
How to ask: Keep it short and specific. Something like: “Thank you for considering my application. I’m always looking to improve – if you have any brief feedback about my interview/submission, I’d really appreciate it.”
Then actually listen to the feedback without defending yourself. Even if you disagree, just say “Thank you, that’s helpful to know.”
4. I keep getting rejected for the same things. Does this mean I should give up?
Absolutely not – it means you’re getting valuable data about what needs to change. When you see the same patterns over and over, that’s not the universe telling you to quit. It’s giving you a roadmap for improvement.
I know someone who got rejected from 15 writing jobs because her samples were “too academic.” Instead of giving up, she spent two months learning to write in a more conversational style. Job number 16 was a yes.
Here’s what to do:
- Look for specific patterns in the feedback you’re getting
- Ask trusted friends or mentors what they honestly think about your approach
- Focus on one thing at a time – don’t try to fix everything at once
- Consider whether you’re aiming at the right level – maybe you need to build more experience first
Sometimes the pattern reveals that you’re pursuing the wrong thing, and that’s valuable information too. But usually, it’s just showing you what skills to develop or approaches to adjust.
5. How do I stop taking rejection so personally when it feels like they’re rejecting who I am?
This is probably the hardest part of dealing with rejection, but it’s also the most important mindset shift you can make. When someone says no to your job application, they’re not saying you’re a worthless person. They’re saying you’re not the right fit for their specific needs right now.
Think about it from the other side: You’ve probably turned down perfectly nice people for dates because you weren’t attracted to them, or you didn’t hire good candidates because someone else was slightly better qualified. Did that make those people failures as humans? Of course not.
Here’s what helps me:
- Remember that you’re a whole person – this one rejection is about one tiny slice of your life
- List out your other qualities and accomplishments – you’re more than just this one thing
- Consider the specific context – maybe they needed someone with different experience, or maybe they already had someone in mind
- Think about your own rejections – you’ve probably said no to good opportunities that just weren’t right for you
The goal isn’t to stop caring about rejection – it’s to stop letting it define your entire sense of self-worth.
6. What if everyone else seems to get “yes” easily while I keep getting “no”?
First, you’re probably seeing a highlight reel, not the whole story. People love to share their successes but rarely talk about all the rejections that came before. That friend who seems to effortlessly get dates? They probably get turned down plenty too – they just don’t post about it on social media.
Second, everyone has different strengths and challenges. Maybe you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes struggle to someone else’s polished final result. The person who gets hired quickly might struggle with relationships. The one who seems popular might be having a hard time with their creative goals.
Here’s what’s helped me:
- Stop scrolling through social media when you’re feeling sensitive about rejection
- Ask successful people about their failures – you’ll be surprised how many stories you hear
- Focus on your own progress – are you getting better at handling rejection than you were six months ago?
- Remember that different timelines are normal – some people bloom early, others are late bloomers
Your journey doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. The only person you need to do better than is who you were yesterday.
7. How do I maintain confidence when I’m facing rejection after rejection?
Confidence after multiple rejections is like a muscle – it gets stronger with practice, but you have to work at it intentionally. The key is not letting your confidence depend entirely on external validation.
Build internal confidence:
- Celebrate your effort, not just outcomes – you showed up, you tried, you put yourself out there
- Keep a list of your accomplishments – both big and small ones
- Focus on what you can control – your preparation, your attitude, your growth
- Practice self-compassion – talk to yourself like you would a good friend
Build external confidence:
- Surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you
- Find areas where you can get some wins – maybe apply for things that are more within your reach
- Work on improving your skills – competence breeds confidence
- Remember your past successes – you’ve overcome challenges before
The goal isn’t to feel great all the time. It’s to maintain enough confidence to keep trying even when things aren’t going your way.
8. Is there a difference between healthy persistence and being annoying/desperate?
Yes, and it’s an important distinction. Healthy persistence comes from confidence and strategy. Desperate persistence comes from fear and lack of self-awareness.
Healthy persistence looks like:
- Continuing to apply to similar opportunities at different places
- Improving your approach based on feedback
- Giving people appropriate space between attempts
- Having multiple options you’re pursuing simultaneously
- Being able to take no for an answer gracefully
Desperate persistence looks like:
- Repeatedly contacting the same person who’s already said no
- Arguing with their decision or trying to convince them to change their mind
- Ignoring social cues that suggest you should back off
- Putting all your eggs in one basket and fixating on one opportunity
- Taking rejection as a personal challenge rather than useful information
The difference usually comes down to respect – for yourself and for the other person. Healthy persistence respects boundaries while continuing to pursue your goals. Desperate persistence crosses boundaries and usually pushes people away.
9. What do I do when rejection makes me want to give up on my dreams entirely?
This feeling is completely normal and doesn’t mean you’re weak or that your dreams aren’t worth pursuing. It means you’re human and you’ve hit an emotional wall. The good news is that walls can be climbed over, gone around, or sometimes even knocked down.
First, give yourself a break. Not a permanent break, but a real one. Maybe that’s a weekend, maybe that’s a month. Do things that make you feel good about yourself that aren’t related to your goal. Spend time with people who care about you. Remember who you are outside of this particular pursuit.
Then, reconnect with your “why.” Why did you want this in the first place? What about it excited you? What would you regret not trying? Sometimes rejection helps us realize we were pursuing something for the wrong reasons, and that’s valuable information. But more often, it just means we need to find a different path to the same destination.
Consider adjusting your approach, not abandoning your dreams. Maybe you need to build more skills first. Maybe you need to start smaller. Maybe you need to look for different opportunities or present yourself differently.
Remember that most success stories include this exact moment – the moment when someone almost gave up but didn’t. Your rejection story could be the beginning of your comeback story.
10. How do I help a friend or family member who’s struggling with rejection?
Being supportive without being pushy is an art form. Most people who are dealing with rejection don’t need you to fix it or give them a pep talk. They need you to acknowledge that it sucks and that you believe in them.
What to do:
- Listen without trying to solve – sometimes people just need to vent
- Validate their feelings – “That really sucks” is often more helpful than “Everything happens for a reason”
- Share your own rejection stories – but only if it feels appropriate and you’re not making it about you
- Offer practical support – help them practice interviewing, review their resume, or just distract them with something fun
- Remind them of their strengths – but be specific, not just “you’re great”
- Give them space to feel bad – don’t rush them toward positivity
What not to do:
- Don’t minimize their pain – avoid phrases like “at least” or “it could be worse”
- Don’t give unsolicited advice – unless they specifically ask for it
- Don’t take their moodiness personally – they’re processing difficult emotions
- Don’t share their rejection with others – respect their privacy
- Don’t constantly ask for updates – let them share when they’re ready
The best thing you can do is just be consistently present and supportive. Sometimes that means celebrating small wins with them, sometimes that means sitting with them in disappointment. Both are important.
Still wondering why rejection feels like a punch to the soul?
This short video explains the brain science behind it—and more importantly, how to heal from it. If you’re feeling stuck, hopeless, or just tired of being told to “move on,” this might give you some real clarity and comfort.Give yourself 6 minutes to breathe, reflect, and feel understood.
