I Didn’t Know I Was Falling Apart Until Everything Went Quiet
This article What I Did When I Felt Completely Broken — And How I Started Loving Myself Again talks about my journey of emotional turmoil and going down and coming back even stronger with the greater mindset.
It didn’t happen in a single moment. There wasn’t one big breakdown or explosion. It was slower than that. A quiet unraveling.
One day I just noticed… I couldn’t remember the last time I felt joy. Not fake joy, not the kind you post online. Real joy. Peaceful silence. Comfort in my own skin.
I felt like a ghost in my own life. Everyone thought I was fine. I had learned to wear the mask too well. Smiling when I was hurting. Showing up when I wanted to disappear. Saying “I’m okay” when I wasn’t.
But deep down? I was completely broken.
And I had no idea how to start healing. Let alone love myself.
What It Felt Like to Be Completely Broken
You don’t always notice you’re breaking. Sometimes it’s in the little things:
- Sleeping too much but still waking up tired.
- Ignoring messages because even replying feels like too much.
- Feeling guilty for existing, for not being productive, for not being “better.”
I was constantly comparing myself to others. Everyone seemed to be doing something, building something, becoming someone. And there I was, just trying to survive another day.
The hardest part? I thought I deserved it. That I was weak. That I was the problem.
But I wasn’t. I was hurting. And I was human.
The Moment I Knew I Had to Do Something
I remember one evening, sitting on the floor of my room, lights off. I wasn’t crying. I wasn’t angry. I just felt… empty. Numb. Like I could disappear and nothing would change.
That scared me more than sadness ever did.
So I did something small. I wrote down one sentence in my journal:
“I don’t want to feel like this forever.”
That was the beginning.
Healing Wasn’t Magical — It Was Messy
I used to think healing was a clean process. Like I’d wake up one day with clarity, hope, energy. But healing wasn’t like that at all.
It was:
- Two steps forward, one step back.
- Laughing in the morning and breaking down at night.
- Learning to be kind to myself even when I didn’t feel like I deserved it.
Some days I made progress. Some days I barely functioned. But I showed up. I stayed. I kept trying.
And that mattered more than I realized.
What Helped Me Start Loving Myself Again
1. I Stopped Lying to Myself
I admitted I was struggling. Not just to others — but to myself. Saying, “I’m not okay” was hard. But it felt honest. And honesty was the first step back to myself.
2. I Talked to One Safe Person
Not everyone needs to know what you’re going through. But having one person who sees you, hears you, and doesn’t try to fix you — that changes everything.
3. I Took Small Actions That Meant Something
I didn’t start with a full morning routine or a big life overhaul. I started with drinking more water. Taking a walk. Saying no to something I didn’t want.
4. I Deleted the Need to Be “Better”
Self-love isn’t a destination. It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about accepting yourself — even the parts that feel broken. I stopped chasing perfection. I started sitting with my pain instead of fighting it.
And slowly, my heart softened toward me.
Why I Didn’t Think I Deserved Love (And What Changed That)
When you’re broken for a long time, you start to believe you deserve it. I thought I was too much. Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too messy.
I had this voice in my head that kept saying, “No one could really love you like this.”
But over time, I started noticing — the way I talked to myself was cruel. I would never say those things to a friend. So why was I saying them to me?
What changed was this: I caught myself mid-thought. Mid-judgment. And instead of going all the way into shame, I paused. And I whispered — “Hey, maybe you don’t have to talk to yourself like that anymore.”
The Lies I Believed About Myself When I Was Broken
There were so many lies I took as truth:
- “You’re a burden.”
- “You’re lazy.”
- “You’re behind in life.”
- “You’ll never be okay.”
These weren’t just thoughts. They became identities. And I wore them like armor.
But when I started questioning them, I realized they weren’t mine. They were things I had picked up — from childhood, from society, from people who didn’t know how to love me right.
The truth? I was always enough. I was just tired and hurting.
One Small Kind Thing I Did That Changed Everything
There was one day I stood in front of the mirror, looked at myself, and said out loud: “You’re trying your best.”
I didn’t believe it fully. But I said it anyway.
It felt weird. It felt awkward. But it was also one of the most important things I’ve ever done.
Because that sentence opened a door. A crack of compassion. And every day after that, I tried to say one kind thing to myself. Even if I didn’t fully feel it.
It helped. More than I can explain.
The Darkest Thoughts I Had — And Why I Don’t Hide Them Anymore
There were moments when I thought the world would be better without me. Moments I didn’t recognize myself — or want to. I never spoke them aloud for years because I feared people would think I was weak, dramatic, or seeking attention.
But silence made them grow louder.
So one day, I started writing them down. Not to glamorize them, but to face them. To say: this is the storm I survived. And maybe someone else is sitting in that storm right now.
You don’t have to hide your pain to be loved. In fact, your honesty might just save you — and someone else, too.
What Society Gets Wrong About Strength
We’ve been sold the idea that strength means always holding it together. Being unshakable. Powering through. But the strongest people I’ve met are the ones who’ve cried, fallen, admitted they were lost — and still chose to get back up.
Strength is not perfection. It’s not silence. It’s not smiling when you’re crumbling.
Real strength is:
- Saying “I’m not okay” without shame.
- Letting people see the mess.
- Choosing healing over hiding.
And once I embraced that kind of strength, I stopped feeling like a failure. I started feeling human.
Moments That Brought Me Back to Life (Without Even Realizing It)
It wasn’t the big breakthroughs. It was the smallest moments that stitched me back together:
- A child laughing in the park.
- The smell of rain on a lonely day.
- A random message from someone I hadn’t talked to in years.
- Petting a dog who looked like he knew my heart.
These weren’t planned. They weren’t part of a self-care checklist. But they reminded me that life wasn’t done with me yet.
Sometimes, healing happens in the ordinary. You just have to notice.
I Am Not Healed — But I Am Healing
One mistake I made early on was thinking I had to “arrive” somewhere. That one day I’d wake up fully healed, fully confident, fully free.
But healing isn’t a finish line. It’s not a checkbox.
I still have rough days. I still feel fragile. But the difference now is — I know those days pass. I know how to hold myself through them. And I don’t shame myself for having them.
I’m not fully healed. But I’m healing. And that’s enough.
What I’d Say to Anyone Who Feels This Way Right Now
If you feel broken, tired, invisible, or numb — I need you to hear this:
You are not alone.
You are not beyond repair.
You are not your worst thought.
You are someone who has lived through hard things — and that makes you unbelievably strong.
You don’t have to fix everything overnight. You don’t have to become some perfect version of yourself to deserve love.
Just breathe. Drink some water. Say something kind to yourself. And keep going.
We need you here. Even if you don’t see your worth yet — I promise, it’s still there.
Final Words
If you feel completely broken, I want you to know this:
You are not weak.
You are not failing.
You are not beyond repair.
You are healing. Even when it doesn’t look like it. Even when it hurts. Even when it’s slow.
And one day, you’ll look back and see that your breaking point was also your beginning.
Just hold on. Choose yourself. You are worth coming home to.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do I know if I’m emotionally broken or just going through a tough time?
It’s okay to wonder. If you feel numb, constantly exhausted, or like you’re watching life from the outside — that’s more than a rough patch. You don’t have to wait for a full collapse to take your pain seriously. Your feelings are valid even if you “function” on the outside.
2. Is it normal to feel like I’ll never be okay again?
Yes. When you’re in the thick of it, it often feels permanent. But that doesn’t mean it is. Healing can feel invisible at first — like nothing’s changing. But every small act of care builds something inside you, even if you can’t see it yet.
3. What if I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel?
You’re not alone. Sometimes there isn’t someone around who gets it — or you’re too afraid to open up. Start with yourself. Journaling. Whispering truth to yourself. Listening to stories that mirror your pain. Connection starts with honesty, even if it’s quiet.
4. I feel like I’ve lost who I am. How do I find myself again?
You don’t need to go searching for some perfect version of yourself. Start with what feels peaceful. What feels like relief. Follow the things that make you feel even a little bit like home. That’s who you are, under everything.
5. What does self-love really mean when you’re broken?
It’s not about feeling amazing. Self-love is choosing to care for yourself — even when you don’t feel worthy of it. It’s brushing your teeth when you’d rather disappear. It’s speaking gently to yourself when your mind is cruel. It’s choosing to stay.
6. Why do I feel guilty for resting or slowing down?
Because somewhere along the way, you were taught your worth comes from doing, not being. But that’s a lie. Rest isn’t weakness. It’s repair. You don’t earn love by overworking yourself into the ground. You’re allowed to just be.
7. Can I really start over, even if I’ve wasted years?
You didn’t waste them. You survived them. And that matters. Healing doesn’t ask for a timeline. It welcomes you as you are, at any age, at any stage. You can begin again. And again. And again.
8. What if I don’t even know where to begin?
Then begin with now. With your breath. With drinking water. With writing one honest sentence. The smallest step is enough. Don’t wait for a perfect plan. Healing doesn’t need one. It just needs you to stay.
9. How do I deal with people who don’t understand my pain?
You don’t need everyone to understand. The ones who matter will make space for your story. And the rest? Let them go — lovingly, quietly. You’re not here to be understood by everyone. You’re here to be true to yourself.
10. Will this pain ever fully go away?
Some pain changes us forever. But that doesn’t mean it controls us. You may carry it differently one day — lighter, softer. It may become part of your strength. You won’t always feel this heavy. That’s a promise.
11. How do I stop comparing my healing to others?
By reminding yourself that healing isn’t a race. It’s not a competition. It’s yours — raw, slow, messy, sacred. When you start choosing presence over performance, your own path starts to feel enough.
12. Is it weak to ask for help?
No. It’s brave. It’s honest. It takes more courage to admit “I need someone” than it does to pretend you’re fine. Help isn’t a burden — it’s part of being human. Let people love you where you are.
13. Why does healing feel so lonely?
Because it asks you to sit with parts of yourself that no one else sees. But you are not alone in your loneliness. So many people are quietly fighting the same battle. Keep going. You’ll find your people — and yourself.
14. What’s one small thing I can do today if I feel like giving up?
Just stay. Breathe. Write down one thing you’ve survived. Eat something. Step outside. You don’t need a breakthrough today — you just need to not disappear. That alone is strength.
15. Can I really love myself again after everything I’ve been through?
Yes. Not overnight. Not perfectly. But day by day, through every small act of care, you’ll remember your worth. You’ll realize you were never unlovable — you were just unseen. And now? You’re coming back home to yourself.
🎥 Featured Video: Learning to Love Myself Again — Ep. 1
YouTube Link: Watch now
Sometimes, healing starts with the smallest whisper: “I deserve to be okay.”
In this deeply personal video, the speaker opens up about a time when they felt completely shattered—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s not a motivational speech full of hype. It’s real. Raw. And honest.
They talk about the moments we often keep hidden—the crying in silence, the self-blame, the endless loop of “I’m not enough.”
And how, despite all of it, something shifted.
Not overnight. But slowly.
They started sitting with their pain instead of running from it. They started saying kind things to themselves. They forgave the version of themselves that didn’t know better.
This video is not about perfection. It’s about beginning—the uncomfortable but beautiful beginning of self-love.
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and felt like a stranger, this video will speak to your heart. It reminds us that we’re not alone—and that brokenness isn’t the end. Sometimes, it’s the doorway.
