Introduction: The Life I Thought I Wanted
In this article What I Thought Was My Dream Life — Turned Out to Be My Biggest Trap we will talk about the reality what we expect from life and what is the reality when we have it.
For the longest time, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. A picture-perfect life. The kind you scroll past on Instagram and think, “Yeah, that’s it. That’s success.”
A stable job that sounds impressive. A relationship that looks perfect from the outside. A routine packed with productivity.
I told myself: If I get there, I’ll be happy. I’ll finally feel enough.
And for a while, I did chase it all. I ticked the boxes. The things I thought I should want.
But somewhere in the middle of it all… I started to feel empty.
Not because anything was going wrong. But because nothing truly felt right.
And that’s when I realized —
The life I built wasn’t really mine.
It was just a collection of other people’s dreams stitched together and sold to me as “success.”
The Dream That Wasn’t Mine
I don’t even remember when exactly I picked up this idea of a dream life.
Maybe it was school. Or movies. Or the way grown-ups talked about money and success like they were the only things that mattered.
Maybe it was social media — how it floods you with a million versions of what life should look like.
So I copied it.
I chose a path that sounded good.
I tried to be the kind of person people would admire.
I thought if I just played it safe and followed the map, I’d be fine.
But slowly, that map started feeling like a cage.
Living for Applause Instead of Alignment
I made choices not because they excited me, but because they impressed others.
- I picked stability over curiosity.
- I said yes to things I didn’t love, just to look responsible.
- I kept going even when it drained me — because quitting would look like failure.
Every compliment, every “You’re doing so well!” was like a hit of validation.
And I needed it.
Because deep down, I didn’t feel proud — just scared.
Scared of doing things differently. Scared of failing.
Scared of looking lost in a world obsessed with being “figured out.”
The Moment It Cracked — And I Couldn’t Pretend Anymore
There wasn’t one big event. It was smaller than that.
Just a morning where I sat with my coffee and felt… nothing.
No excitement. No drive.
Just a dull ache in my chest and a voice that whispered, “Is this all there is?”
I started asking myself:
- Who am I doing this for?
- Why does it feel like I’m living someone else’s life?
- What if success isn’t what I thought it was?
That’s when the guilt crept in.
Because how do you explain to people that everything you worked for doesn’t make you happy?
When Comfort Becomes a Trap
The hardest part wasn’t admitting I was unhappy.
It was admitting I felt stuck.
Because I had built a life that looked good. That felt safe.
And safety is hard to walk away from — even when it’s suffocating.
You don’t leave the trap because it’s unbearable.
You stay because it’s bearably painful.
And that’s what makes it dangerous.
It’s not the kind of misery that forces you to change.
It’s the kind that convinces you to settle.
The Trap of Society’s Checklist
Let’s be real — we’re all raised on a script.
- Study hard.
- Get a good job.
- Find someone.
- Get married.
- Buy a house.
- Keep climbing.
- Retire.
And if you dare to say “What if I don’t want this?” — you’re seen as lost, lazy, or naive.
I wasn’t brave enough to ask those questions before.
So I kept ticking boxes.
But what no one tells you is this:
You can be winning at someone else’s game… and still lose yourself.
Expert Insight — Why We Chase the Wrong Dreams
Dr. Brene Brown, research professor and bestselling author, puts it clearly:
“You can’t do anything brave if you’re wearing the straitjacket of what will people think.”
Psychologists call this extrinsic motivation — doing things because of external rewards: praise, money, status.
And when you live your life based on that, your self-worth becomes fragile. Dependent. Exhausting.
According to Psychology Today, people with high extrinsic motivation often struggle with anxiety, burnout, and disconnection.
Because they’re chasing goals that don’t truly reflect their values.
That was me.
And maybe it’s you too.
What I Did When I Realized I Was Trapped
I didn’t quit everything overnight.
I didn’t burn my life down.
But I started listening.
To the quiet voice inside me that said:
“You don’t have to keep living like this.”
I started asking different questions:
- What makes me feel alive?
- What would I do if no one was watching?
- What version of life feels like me — even if no one claps for it?
And bit by bit, I made space.
Not for perfection. But for truth.
Real-Life Shifts I Made
- Redefining Success
I stopped equating success with money or status.
I started measuring it by peace, freedom, and how deeply I feel connected to my days. - Letting Go of Shame
I let myself grieve the years I spent chasing the wrong things — without judging myself.
Because I didn’t know better. And now I do. - Making Time for What I Love
Writing. Creating. Slowing down.
Things that might not “impress” others, but fill me up. - Unfollowing Perfection
I unfollowed influencers who made me feel small.
I stopped comparing my real life to curated highlights.
Why We Stay in the Wrong Life — Even After We Know It’s Not Ours
It’s one thing to realize you’re in the wrong life.
It’s another thing to actually walk away from it.
So many of us stay.
Not because we love it — but because leaving feels terrifying.
I stayed in mine because:
- I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.
- I thought changing my path would mean I failed.
- I had already invested so much — time, money, effort.
There’s actually a name for this:
The “Sunk Cost Fallacy.”
It’s when you keep investing in something, not because it’s right — but because you’ve already given it so much.
Dr. Shahram Heshmat, behavioral economist and author of “Addiction: A Behavioral Economic Perspective,” explains it well:
“We are reluctant to pull out of a bad investment — whether it’s a job, relationship, or goal — because it feels like admitting defeat. But staying stuck can cost us even more.”
That hit me hard.
Because I realized:
I was spending my life trying to justify my past.
And if I didn’t choose differently, I’d spend the next 10 years trapped in the same emotional debt.
The Real Cost of Not Changing
Here’s the truth no one tells you:
Staying in a life that’s not meant for you… slowly kills the version of you that could have been.
You might not notice it right away.
But over time:
- Your laughter feels fake.
- Your body feels heavier.
- You feel numb more often than not.
You become a stranger to yourself — just a performer playing a role.
And honestly?
That scared me more than failure ever could.
Permission to Begin Again
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do…
Is whisper to yourself:
“I am allowed to change my mind.”
You are allowed to evolve.
You are allowed to outgrow your dream.
You are allowed to start over — even if people don’t understand.
Because the truth is — you don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that makes you miserable.
You just owe yourself a chance.
To feel alive again.
To breathe again.
To come home to who you really are.
The Life I Never Knew I Wanted
Here’s the thing…
The life I’m building now?
It’s not flashy.
It’s not always productive.
But it feels like home.
It’s quiet mornings with no rush.
It’s work that aligns with who I am, not just what I can do.
It’s relationships that don’t need to be “perfect” to be real.
And most importantly —
It’s a life I don’t need to escape from.
Expert Advice — Building a Life That Feels Right
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says:
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
It’s not about chasing a big dream.
It’s about building habits, routines, and choices that feel aligned.
Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab also reminds us:
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
That applies to work, family, expectations — everything.
The dream life you want has to leave space for your well-being.
Final Words — Don’t Wait to Feel Alive
If you’re reading this and feel even a flicker of recognition…
Like maybe you’ve been living a version of someone else’s dream…
Let me say this:
You’re not crazy. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not alone.
You’re just waking up.
And that’s beautiful.
Because once you see the trap — you can stop walking deeper into it.
You can pause.
Rethink.
And start again.
Not with a perfect plan.
But with one honest step.
Toward your life.
The one that actually feels like you.
Even if no one claps. Even if no one gets it.
Even if it looks nothing like the “dream.”
Because the real dream?
It’s living in truth.
It’s peace in your heart.
It’s waking up and saying — “This is enough. And so am I.”
FAQs
1. How do I know if I’m chasing the wrong dream?
You might feel like everything looks fine on the outside, but something inside feels off. Maybe you’re constantly tired, unfulfilled, or unsure why you’re even doing what you do anymore. If the excitement feels forced and you’re just going through motions, it’s worth asking if the dream you’re chasing is even yours.
2. Why do I feel guilty for wanting to change my life?
Because we’re taught to be grateful for what we have. But gratitude doesn’t mean settling. It’s okay to say, “This is good, but it’s not right for me.” Wanting more alignment in your life isn’t selfish — it’s a sign you’re waking up.
3. What if I’ve already spent years building this life?
That’s exactly why you need to pause. The more time you’ve spent, the more important it is to ask: Do I want to spend even more years feeling this way? You’re not “wasting” anything by changing — you’re honoring yourself now.
4. Isn’t it too late to start over?
No. The “too late” thought is fear pretending to be logic. People reinvent themselves at 30, 50, even 70. Your life is still yours to live. And starting over doesn’t always mean burning everything down — it can be small, honest shifts.
5. What will people think if I walk away from this life?
Honestly? Some might not understand. That’s okay. Because you’re the one living your life — not them. It’s better to be misunderstood for living your truth than praised for living a lie.
6. How can I stop comparing my life to others’?
Limit your time on social media. Seriously. Curated feeds aren’t real life. And when comparison creeps in, remind yourself: They’re living their story. I’m allowed to live mine. Nobody posts their breakdowns or boring Tuesdays.
7. I feel stuck — what’s the first step?
Don’t pressure yourself to figure everything out. Just start noticing what drains you and what lights you up. That awareness is your first compass. From there, experiment. Try, fail, shift. It’s a process.
8. Why does a “dream life” sometimes feel so empty?
Because it might not be your dream — just a version you were told to want. When you chase external success without checking in with your soul, you can feel lost even while achieving everything.
9. I thought I’d be happy by now. What’s wrong with me?
Nothing. Happiness isn’t a destination — it’s a feeling that comes when your life and your values are in sync. If you feel off, it’s not a failure. It’s a sign your inner self is asking for change.
10. Can I really build a life that feels true to me?
Yes. It might not happen overnight, and it might not look glamorous. But it can be yours. A life that feels good when you wake up, even if no one claps for it — that’s the goal.
11. How do I deal with fear when making a big change?
Expect it. Fear isn’t always bad — it shows you’re stepping into the unknown. Don’t try to get rid of it. Learn to walk with it. Let courage be louder than fear, even if it’s just by a whisper.
12. I feel lost — is that normal?
Completely. Feeling lost often means you’re waking up from autopilot. It’s the space between who you were and who you’re becoming. Be patient. You’re not broken — you’re in transition.
13. What if I don’t know what I truly want yet?
That’s okay. Most people don’t — they just fake it well. Start by noticing what feels light, what feels heavy. Follow the light things. Keep asking questions. Your clarity will come in pieces.
14. How do I explain this shift to family or friends?
You don’t owe anyone a perfect explanation. Just honesty. Say, “I’m learning to live in a way that feels more true to me. I might not have it all figured out, but I’m trying to honor what I feel.”
15. What if I change everything and still feel unhappy?
Then you’ll know it’s not about the outside stuff. And that’s still progress. You’ll be one step closer to understanding what does bring peace. Every honest choice teaches you something. And that’s how you get closer to home — to you.
🎥 Video Reflection: “Break Free from Societal Expectations and Discover Your True Self”
This video felt like someone was finally saying the things we’re all too scared to admit out loud.
It speaks to the quiet pressure we all feel — to fit in, to succeed, to make our lives look a certain way, even when it doesn’t feel right inside. The speaker gently breaks apart the illusion that success is about ticking off society’s boxes. Instead, they ask something deeper:
“What if you’ve been living a version of life that isn’t truly yours?”
They talk about the emotional weight of pretending, of wearing masks, and how we slowly lose touch with ourselves while chasing applause.
What hit hardest was when they said:
“Authenticity isn’t easy. It often means disappointing people. But it’s the only path that leads you home.”
If you’ve ever felt trapped in a life that looks good on the outside but feels heavy on the inside, this video will speak directly to your heart.
Watch it. Pause. Reflect. And maybe… begin again — this time as you.
