I don’t really know when it started.
This whole obsession with being “perfect.” Maybe it was in school. Maybe it was watching people online. Or maybe it was just something I picked up quietly — like a habit I never agreed to. In this article Why Trying to Be Perfect Was Making Me Sick — And What I Did Instead we will discuss how to live your own life and not trying to be perfect for others.
But one day I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t see a person anymore. I saw a checklist.
Perfect body.
Perfect work.
Perfect answers.
Perfect life.
And I was sick.
Not flu sick. Not broken-bone sick. I mean that deep, quiet kind of sick that eats you up slowly. Like when your chest feels heavy for no reason. When your mind races all night. When nothing ever feels good enough, even if others think it’s amazing.
Trying to be perfect was making me sick.
And I didn’t even realize it.
I think perfectionism is not just the amount of money you have earned but being perfect is how much care love and affection one can show not just towards your family and loved ones but even for the society.We see a perfect person for that how luxuries someone has and the lifestyle they have but the real thing is the heart that one has.
The Trap of Perfectionism Always Starts Small
You don’t wake up one day and decide to be a perfectionist. It creeps in. It starts as wanting to do a good job — to be responsible, to make people proud.
Then it turns into things like:
- Rewriting a simple email ten times
- Feeling like you’re a failure if you take a break
- Never celebrating wins because they’re “not big enough”
For me, it started when I was preparing for a government job exam. I used to think if I wasn’t studying every single second, I was wasting time. I stopped watching movies. I stopped going out. I stopped living.
I wasn’t living — I was just performing.
And every time I failed or fell behind, I blamed myself brutally.
No one else was being that hard on me. I was doing it all alone.
How It Showed Up in My Body (Without Me Knowing)
Here’s what no one tells you:
Perfectionism doesn’t just live in your mind — it moves into your body.
I started waking up tired even after a full night’s sleep.
I had headaches that came from nowhere.
My digestion was weird — sometimes no appetite, sometimes emotional eating.
My heart raced at random moments.
I felt tense all the time — like I was bracing for something to go wrong.
And I thought, “Maybe it’s just stress, or maybe I need to eat better.”
But deep down, I knew the truth —
I was exhausting myself trying to meet a version of me that didn’t even exist.
The Internet Made It Worse (And I Let It)
Let’s be honest: scrolling through Instagram or YouTube doesn’t help.
Everyone looks like they’ve got it together:
- Fit bodies
- Fancy homes
- Effortless careers
- Romantic vacations
And here I was — comparing my messy real life with someone’s edited highlight reel.
I started feeling like I was behind in everything.
That I wasn’t enough.
That if I didn’t catch up — I was losing.
And that pressure? It made me shrink.
Instead of inspiring me, it made me hate where I was.
The Breaking Point: I Couldn’t Do It Anymore
One evening, I was working on a blog post and I just froze.
I stared at the screen for two hours and didn’t write a single word.
I felt like nothing I said mattered. Like it was all pointless if it wasn’t perfect.
And I just… cried.
Not because of anything specific. But because I felt trapped in this cycle of:
- Do more
- Be better
- Don’t fail
- Don’t stop
It hit me:
I wasn’t doing this for joy anymore.
I was doing this to avoid the feeling of not being good enough.
And that was the day I decided to stop.
What I Did Instead — Slowly, Not All at Once
I didn’t magically wake up “healed” the next morning.
But I started choosing small, real steps.
I Let Myself Be Average (On Purpose)
I gave myself permission to write bad first drafts, speak clumsily, and rest without guilt.
I started saying, “This is good enough for now.”
And honestly, it was.
I Stopped Following “Perfect” People Online
I unfollowed anyone who made me feel inadequate, even if they had good content.
I replaced that with people who shared failures, slow growth, and real emotions.
I Talked About It Out Loud
I started telling my friends:
“Hey, I think I’m struggling with perfectionism. I never feel good enough.”
And to my surprise, they felt the same.
Turns out, we’re all trying to keep up — silently.
I Took Breaks Without Earning Them
I stopped treating rest like a reward.
You don’t have to “earn” peace.
You’re allowed to just stop, breathe, and be — no checklist needed.
I Reminded Myself: Perfect Isn’t Real
I wrote this on my wall:
“No one who loves you wants you to be perfect. They just want you to be here.”
That sentence broke something open inside me.
I realized I was chasing a version of myself that didn’t even make me happy.
What Changed After Letting Go
I used to think letting go of perfection would make me lazy or weak or directionless.
But the opposite happened.
- My sleep got deeper
- My chest didn’t feel tight every day
- I laughed more
- I created more — and enjoyed the process
- I started living from a place of enough, not fear
I stopped worrying about how every post on my blog would be judged.
I focused on how I felt writing it.
I wrote like I was talking to a friend — not an audience.
It became fun again.
Not a performance — just an expression.
What Experts Say About This
According to Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on shame and vulnerability:
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. It’s the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly, and act perfectly, we can avoid shame, blame, and judgment.”
In short — perfectionism is fear in disguise.
And studies from the American Psychological Association show perfectionism is directly linked to:
- Depression
- Burnout
- Anxiety
- Physical fatigue
So if you’ve been feeling all that…
You’re not weak — you’re just tired of carrying too much.
A Note to Anyone Who Feels This Too
There’s this quote I read once that stuck with me:
“You were never meant to be everything to everyone.”
And I held onto that.
Because maybe all the pressure I was feeling…
wasn’t even mine to carry in the first place.
I don’t have all the answers now.
There are still days I slip into old habits.
Still moments where I feel like I have to “prove” myself.
But the difference is — I catch it now.
I pause.
I remind myself:
You’re allowed to be human.
You’re allowed to rest.
To make mistakes.
To slow down.
To not be perfect.
And maybe — just maybe — that’s where real peace lives.
Not in doing everything right.
But in being okay with who you are, even when you’re still figuring it all out.
If you’re reading this and feeling seen, I just want to say:
You’re not alone.
I’ve been there.
I still am, sometimes.
But we don’t have to live like this forever.
We can choose softer goals, quieter days, gentler thoughts.
And maybe that’s the most powerful thing we can do —
Not strive to be perfect,
But simply choose to be real.
FAQ
1. How do I know if I’m struggling with perfectionism?
If you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough — even when others praise you — that’s a sign. If you can’t relax unless everything is just right, or you constantly feel guilty for taking breaks, perfectionism might be quietly running your life.
2. Can perfectionism really affect my health?
Yes, and in more ways than you might notice. It can lead to stress, anxiety, poor sleep, tension headaches, burnout, and even digestive problems. When your brain never gets a break, your body starts sending warning signs.
3. Is wanting to be perfect the same as having high standards?
Not exactly. High standards push you to grow. Perfectionism punishes you for not being flawless. One motivates you — the other drains you. It’s okay to want to improve, but not at the cost of your peace.
4. Why do I feel guilty when I rest or do nothing?
Because perfectionism tricks you into thinking your worth is tied to productivity. Rest starts to feel “wrong,” like you’re wasting time. But rest isn’t laziness — it’s survival. You’re allowed to just exist without earning it.
5. What causes perfectionism in the first place?
It can come from many places — childhood pressure, school systems, toxic work environments, or even watching perfect lives online. Sometimes we pick it up without realizing, just trying to feel safe or accepted.
6. How do I stop comparing myself to others all the time?
Start by unfollowing people who make you feel small, even unintentionally. Surround yourself with real voices — people who show their struggles, not just their wins. Remind yourself daily: “Their path isn’t mine.”
7. Is it okay if I still want to do things really well?
Yes, absolutely. Wanting to do your best is beautiful. Just don’t let it turn into fear or self-hate when things go wrong. You can care about your work and still be kind to yourself when it’s messy or unfinished.
8. What if people expect me to be perfect?
Then it’s even more important to show them that you’re not. Perfection puts up walls. Imperfection invites connection. The people who truly care about you won’t leave when you drop the act — they’ll finally see the real you.
9. How can I let go of perfection without feeling like I’m giving up?
Letting go doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means choosing peace over panic. It means accepting “done” instead of chasing “perfect.” You’re not giving up — you’re just making room to breathe again.
10. What helped you most when you started healing from perfectionism?
Honestly? Talking about it out loud. Writing posts like this. Letting myself be average for a while. Noticing that the world didn’t fall apart when I wasn’t flawless. And slowly… learning to like myself again — just as I am.
